August 25, 2010
I had always been afraid of death.. anything bout death.. Just the thought of it gives me fear and chills, that I would suddenly get rid of it from my mind. Then I thought, what if tomorrow I'll die? Am I ready enough? I cannot even find answers.. until it fades away from my senses...
Lately, I've been asking myself the same question. Maybe this is due to sudden circumstances happening in the country..accidents left and right, death all around.. Am I ready enough? I tried to look for the fear I felt before whenever that question crossed through my mind... it vanished. I smiled and said to myself, "With Jesus in my heart, as my Lord and Savior, with the relationship with God and the gift of the Holy Spirit.. I would be ready enough to die.. with joy in my heart.. Fear was gone.. I only fear the Lord. Whatever happens in my life, I need not fear anything for I know the Lord is with me throughout my journey. I love you Lord. I am Yours and Yours forever.Tears fell. Chills creep within my bone. Not because its cold but because I was totally blown away. It was just an excerpt from my Purpose Driven Life Journal. Filled with love, strengthen by faith, restored with hope. I can feel every single word written came from my heart. That very moment I realized that was slowly stepping away from the path God wants me to take. Tears poured.
God used my journal to make me remember how our relationship was. How we talk, how we spend time.. It breaks my heart. It breaks His heart. I'm sorry Lord.. :'( Many things happened since I last wrote to my journal. Things that test me, there were times I passed, and times I failed.. times I hold on and times I let go.. I can't say that I am strong enough to surpassed all of these but I thanked God for His grace and mercy. I am hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Cor.4:8-9 NIV) Though, I honestly admit that I slid and stumble before God, also through Him I will stand up and face the world... I am coming back to my Lord...
Now, with a whole new realization, with a strength that come from Above, with a steadfast heart, I will nudge the wheel of life and take a path with my Jesus. Directed by faith, guided by love and protected by the my Lord's most precious blood, I am ready to venture a new chapter in my walk with Him.. And as long as there are lives to be written, hope to be restored and faith to strengthen, the journal's page will continue to be turned...
